What happened was that I found out that the cancer I thought I had beat had come back. Finding out that news caused my wife and I to make some pretty big decisions in a pretty short time. One of those decisions was to have surgery to remove the parts of my stomach and esophagus that had been cancerous.

I ended up having the surgery two weeks later. The surgery went well and the doctor got all the known cancer out. During the weeks following the surgery I would have my good days and not so good days. I learned to understand that this was apart of recovery. Overall though the first few weeks of my recovery went well.

Unfortunately in the 4th and 5th weeks of recovery I ended up in the emergency room 3 times for various things related to the surgery. None of the items ended up being to serious and I thank God for that. Unfortunately during that time it was hard for me to deal with these medical conditions from day to day.

It was during this time that I began to realize that I needed to learn how to live moment to moment as opposed to day to day.

The reason for this is that I would have good things and not so good things all happen in the same day. It would seem at one moment I was on top of the world and the next I was in the lowest pit. As I started having more and more of these days I realized that I needed to cherish the good moments and not dwell on the bad when they came. By doing this it made the not so good moments more bearable.

Paul said it like this:

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. – Philippians 4:11-12 NIV

I think that is what I am learning through all of this. I am learning to not let the bad out-shadow the good. Everyday we have on this earth is going to be filled with good and bad. It is up to us what we choose to look at and dwell on. We cannot control the bad news that comes our way but we can control how we react to it.

Around the second week after receiving chemo I started to go to one-on-one counseling at my church. The reason for going to counseling was to deal with the fear and emotions that I was experiencing while going through treatment. I had looked into some other secular counseling options but I felt I really need my counselor to have a Christian perspective. The reason for this was that I was really believing that it was God ultimately that was going to get me through this. Unfortunately some of the websites that I had visited out there were too accepting of the negative outcomes of battling cancer. I needed someone who would ask me the hard questions about my beliefs and help me deal with my weaknesses.

I got that person.

The interesting part (to me anyway) was that while we did talk about the cancer we talked about a lot of non-cancer things as well. We talked about my life growing up and my interactions with my parents, other family members, and friends. My counselor challenged me on a spiritual level but also on a relational level as well. My counselor had a good balance of psychology and spirituality.

It was during our sessions that I explained that I had interacted with the Lord about my healing and that I had questioned Him about why he did not heal my right then and there. I told them that I had felt God had told me that he was going to heal not only my body but my mind and spirit as well. My counselor was very happy that I had this interaction with God and that I should keep seeking Him which I did.As the weeks and sessions went on I began to feel better both physically and spiritually. During that time God did some amazing things in my life in regard to healing my heart in some areas with my family and also in the area of finances. I was really happy that I was making progress.

As I began to get to the tail end of my treatment I started to feel in my heart that surgery was possibly not the best idea. I struggled with this because I had promised God that I would do whatever it took in order to get past the cancer and now it seemed that I wanted to back out of a part of it. I asked my counselor whether they thought that I would not be living up to my part by not having the surgery. They said that although I had made a pledge to God that He was merciful and it was possible that He could make it to where I would not need surgery.

It was weird because I knew of God’s mercy and had experienced it at different levels before but this time around it seemed so much more serious. For me it practically was a life and death decision. I spent a lot of time in prayer, not to try and convince God but see what it was that He thought was best. The more I prayed the more I felt that surgery was not the thing to do. I prayed for God’s will to be done and that he guide and direct me, my wife, and the doctors. I put everything into God’s hands and waited to see the results.

Next Post in this Series: Treatment – The Last Week – Coming Soon!
Or Start at the beginning: Having Cancer as a Christian

The day before I went to see my friend he was given the news that cancer had spread and now there was nothing that they could do for him. That is a devastating thing to be told. The doctor said that they could make him comfortable for the rest of his time. Tragic.

When I heard this it threw me for a loop. He had been believing for healing and so was everyone else for him. It was not the news that anyone expected to hear.

When I went to see him yesterday I was already determined that I was going to pray for him. The focus of my prayer I felt was for wisdom and not necessarily healing. I didn’t quite understand why this was but that is what I knew I was going to pray for.

In the course of visiting with him he and I talked about several things. One of those things was what I went through in my treatment for cancer.In my treatment I had reached a point with one of my doctors where I felt that he was no longer effective in my treatment. That is not to say anything bad about him but I felt that I could be getting better information about my individual situation from a doctor who was more familiar with my type of cancer. I told him how I had then gone to another cancer doctor and had gotten better information which led to better treatment.

In telling him this story it dawned on me – his situation was not an end, it was just another chapter in his life, and not the last chapter.

As I brought this up to him I explained that maybe this doctor wasn’t too familiar with his type of cancer and so that was all that he could do for him. Maybe someone who was more familiar with my friends type of cancer could do more. He agreed.

As we talked about this I could see the difference in him as he went from despair to hope. The doctor had given up on him but God had not. I explained to my friend that it was up to him as to whether he was going to receive the word of the doctor and die or the word of God and live.

As the bible says:

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit. – Proverbs 18:21 NKJ

As far as God is considered it is up to my friend as to when he checks out of this life. If he wants to stay then God will give him everything that he needs in order to do so. I am happy to say that my friend agreed with me.

The rest of my time with him in the hospital we talked about different places that he had heard of that could possibly help him. We were also blessed to be able to talk about non-cancer items as well. In all we had a good time together.

When it was time for me to leave I told him how I had felt the need to pray for wisdom before I had come. In my prayer I prayed that God would direct him in this next chapter of his life. I prayed that God would direct him to the people that would know how to fix his situation. I also prayed that he would continue to choose life, and not death, and complete the purpose that God has for him in this life.

He agreed with me in those prayers and we both believe that they will come to pass. I can’t wait to see God do it.

After getting my first week of chemo in the hospital they sent me home. The first day I did pretty good. It was the second day and beyond that I didn’t do too well.

The last dose of chemo they gave me while in the hospital was Cisplatin. From what I was told that chemo is pretty intense due to a lot of heavy metals in it. Adding to that was that they infused me for 8 hours straight with it. It was so intense in fact that I had special anti-nausea medication specifically for it. This medication was called Emend and basically turns off the communication between your stomach and your brain so your brain doesn’t tell your stomach to get sick. It worked.

That second day I am happy to say that I didn’t get nauseated. Again, I would like to be able to say that it was because of my great faith and grounding in the Word of God. But it wasn’t. The medication, the fact that I didn’t eat anything for 2 days, and other people’s prayers are what carried me through.

Although I didn’t get sick in my stomach I felt sick, and weak. That was the worst that I had ever felt in my life.

I cannot really explain the physical feeling that I had. I just didn’t feel good at all, and a lot. My energy was sapped and I didn’t want to do anything. In fact for the first week after getting out of the hospital the only time I ventured downstairs was to make the daily trip to radiation down in Austin. I usually slept during the 30 minute ride there and back.

It was during this period of my treatment that yet another battle popped up that had to be addressed – eating.

As mentioned before the doctor had a feeding tube put in my stomach. The reason for this was that I was losing weight because I wasn’t eating much. The doctor said that it would only get worse as they started to treat me. Eating was important because it was unhealthy to continually lose weight as fast as I was losing it. Also, the body needed food so it would have energy to fight against the cancer and the chemo/radiation damage. Finally you’ve got to eat because if you don’t you die. Unfortunately I have been told that a lot of cancer patients actually die of malnutrition which is very, very sad.

So my main battle during this time was with my body and the feeding tube.

The first issue was that my body did not want food. I have to tell you, it is the weirdest experience in the world to know you need to eat but your body does not want to. Then when you finally do get something in your body it rejects it and gets sick, really sick.

My first experience with this was what is called “dumping syndrome” . It basically went like this – I would have a can of adult formula and then about 20 minutes later I would have the immediate urge to use the restroom for #2. I would stay there until my body forced everything out of me that it could. During that time my temperature would rise significantly to the point that I would be covered with sweat and felt like I was going to pass out. Once that was done I would be completely drained of energy for several hours.

After 2-3 cans and this happening the first day I was completely defeated. My wife called the nutritionalist to ask why this was happening. She said that I would just need to get used to it.

That was not the right answer.

My wife at that point reached out for prayer from several sources and we sought out to find an answer ourselves.

At our next day of radiation we mentioned what was happening to the nurse there and he suggested a diabetic formula that didn’t have sugar. See along with all of those symptoms I would feel like I had OD’d on sugar as well. I wasn’t diabetic but for whatever reason my body did not like these sugary formulas that we were trying.

We tried the formula that he suggested and it worked – no side effects!

I would like to say that the battle ended there but it didn’t.

The continual battle was fighting with my body to want to eat. It did not want food. I don’t know why but it didn’t. I continued to lose weight.

Knowing this I was getting weighted once a week at radiation. Each time the staff would shake their finger at me and tell my wife with who I would also get in trouble. This happened until I reach 150lbs – my weight in high school. At that point they said that if I continued to lose weight that they would need to stop treatment and give me nutrition intravenously which was risky.

It was at that point that I had to buckle down and force my body to eat – which sounds weird.

I did this by distracting myself by watching videos on the internet while I did it. At first I watched the Daily Show with John Stewart but then settled into watching Greg Groeschel on lifechurch.tv. Watching these messages not only helped distract me but helped to increase my faith.

I began eating more and more through my tube and while I dipped a little under 150 I was able to get it back up to that and maintain it. I believe that it was deciding that I was going to do it no matter what and the strength that I received from listening to God’s Word every day 2-3 times. It is amazing the inner strength you receive when your mind is saturated with what God has to say.

Next Post in this Series: Counseling and the Question of Surgery – Coming Soon!
Or Start at the beginning: Having Cancer as a Christian

The week after my surgery I was scheduled to be admitted to the hospital for a week to start chemotherapy and radiation. The reason for the hospitalization was the daily duration of the chemo. I was to receive 5FU chemo for 16 hours a day for the first five days, have a day off, then on the last day I would get Cisplatin for 8 hours. The infusion center at the cancer center I was going to was only open regular business hours so they could not accommodate me. The other part of it was that they were giving me so much chemo that they wanted to keep their eyes on my.

While that was meant to be comforting, it wasn’t.

Going into the hospital I was scared. Maybe not as much as when I went into surgery, but I was scared. I think we have all heard of the nasty side effects of chemo in which the chief is nausea. I had not been eating very much since my esophagus was now full closed at this time but I still did not relish the idea of being sick.

The night before I went into the hospital my wife was a little scared too. She went on one of the cancer boards and asked for any advise about dealing with chemo and the side effects. Someone came back and told her that if we expected to get sick and have a bad experience then that is what was going to happen. But if we expected the opposite then that is what was going to happen.

When my wife told be about this it reminded me of the scripture “Let it be according to your faith”.

Here is the scripture in context:

27 When Jesus departed from there, two blind men followed Him, crying out and saying, “Son of David, have mercy on us!” 28 And when He had come into the house, the blind men came to Him. And Jesus said to them, “Do you believe that I am able to do this?” They said to Him, “Yes, Lord.” 29 Then He touched their eyes, saying, “According to your faith let it be to you.” 30 And their eyes were opened. - Matthew 9:27-30

In my mind it made sense. If I expected that I was going to get sick and nauseated then that is what was going to happen. But if I believed the opposite, the opposite would happen. In fact it was this hint of light that started to really spark the faith for healing in my body from cancer as well.

Now understand my faith was not in the power of my mind. There are a lot of “mind over body” concepts out there and honestly I believe them to an extent. But for me it was that I had faith in God’s ability to heal me and have dominion over my body. I was yielding to Him and expecting His influence in my body.

That first day as they hooked me up to the chemo bag I was still a little nervous but I expected God to be there with me. He was. I had a good night of sleep and woke up the next morning without any nausea. In fact I went through the whole week without any nausea. I truly felt it was a miracle and even the staff was surprised. I was the exception to the rule thanks to God.

It was during this week that I also started my 6 week regimen of radiation. I really did not know what to expect from the radiation as no one had really sat down to tell me. A few days into it I felt like my skin might be burning a little. I mean why wouldn’t it be, they were basically microwaving me!

I asked the nurse at the radiation center if I should be feeling these side effects and they said no. The looked at the area of my skin that I said I felt the slight burning and they did find something – dry skin. I needed to put some lotion on – not because of the radiation but because of hard water. See the power of the mind/faith works both ways. I ended up having no side effects that week at all from the radiation.

After going through that first week of chemo and radiation my faith began to increase in that I believed that I as going to make it through this. I think part of that came from the fact that we were now in treatment as opposed to testing and planning. Another part of it was the fact that it was not as bad as I thought that it was going to be. The final and most important part was that I had asked God to help me and I had seen Him come through for me.

I wish I could say that I was full of faith from the beginning and that this was just proof of my awesome faith and dedication to God but that is not the case. I was weak, I was scared. They said I was going to make it through this but I did not always believe them. I really believe that it was the support of my wife and all the people that were praying for us. they helped me get to the point that I could start to see the manifestation of their faith and mine.

Next Post in this Series: Treatment – Lots of Radiation – Coming Soon!
Or Start at the beginning: Having Cancer as a Christian

This is where it all got real. I was wheeled into an operating room, a place I had never been before and hoped that I’d never go.

I was scared.

Surgery meant that this cancer thing was real and when I woke up that I would have things in my body that were not there before. These things were meant to help me but at the time I did not see it that way.

The surgery was to implant a mediport and a feeding tube. The mediport was what they would use to give me chemo. The feeding tube was so that I could eat since the chemo and radiation would probably make it even harder to do.

Did I mention I was scared?

I was terrified. I am not trying to be too dramatic but this was a huge deal to me.

This was absolutely huge.

I was in that hospital bed being wheeled into the operating room but everything in me wanted to get up, rip the IV out of my arm, and run without looking back. I have no idea why the thought of surgery scared my so much but it did.

Thank God for anesthesia because the knocked me out just as I got into the room for the procedure.

When I Woke Up

The surgery went without a hitch and I actually felt pretty good that day. They gave me some pain medication and that helped. I felt so good the next morning I actually did laundry. Unfortunately the good feeling did not last as later that day I started to wean myself off the pain meds and began to feel the reality of the surgery.

I wasn’t able to lay down flat on my back due to combination of the locations of the feeding tube and the mediport. This lasted a few days and then I was finally able to sleep better. The combination of the pain meds and lack of sleep made that a pretty difficult week.

God and I Have a Talk

During this time I tried listening to a lot of preaching messages since my body and my spirit were not doing so well.

Up until this time I had not really spent quality time with God to address how I felt about the cancer situation and to get His perspective. I wasn’t running from him or giving Him the cold shoulder but I wasn’t engaging with Him either.

That all changed after “The Message”.

The message was from Pastor Peter Haas of Substance Church in Roseville, MN. I had listened to him on a pretty regular basis since he had spoke once at our church. He is a young guy and I always felt that I connected with his messages.

This particular message was called Mourning into Dancing.

The message was more of a testimony then anything given by his mother-in-law. In that message she shared her story of her husband’s battle with depression, eventual suicide, and how God helped her through it. It is a very emotional message as you can imagine.

The message can be listened to and downloaded here:

Mourning into Dancing – Peter Haas – Substance Church

The part that spoke to me the most is the part where she described how she was angry at God but felt bad about being angry at Him. After a while she expressed this to God and felt like He told her that her anger could not hurt Him. He was bigger then her anger.

See, I was mad at God.

How could He allow this to happen to me? Why didn’t He protect me? Didn’t He Love me?

All these things had been inside of me since the day I was told I had cancer. I was angry but I did not know how to interact with God about it. This message helped me to do it.

I sat there that day in my bed angry, in pain, and in tears telling God exactly how I felt about Him, my life, and the cancer. I cried. I wept.

“Why won’t You heal me? You are able. You are all-powerful. I am a dad and I would never allow my son to go through this if I had the power to heal him.” I told God.

I felt God say “I will heal you through the doctor”.

That was not good enough for me.

“Why would You want me to go through this terrible man-made treatment when You could just say a word and I would be healed.” I asked.

“Because when I heal you I don’t just want to heal your body, I want to heal your heart and soul as well” I felt God say.

I stopped. This meant something to me as my mind went to the past when I was in a men’s Christian rehab home. I had gone to the home after getting in trouble and had nowhere else to go. While I was in there I saw guys come, go, and then come back again, sometimes multiple times. Each time they came back they were ten times worse then they were before.

After seeing this time and time again I made a pledge to God. I promised that I would stay there as long as I needed so I could learn what I needed so I would never have to come back again. I stayed there 6 months. That was 15 years ago and I have never been back. I learned the lesson that God had for me there.

There were lessons to be learned in this situation.

The only way I was going to learn those lessons and not find myself in this place again was to go through this treatment the way that God wanted me to. No shortcuts, no skipping steps. Every doctor’s visit, every treatment, every procedure was there for a reason.

I told God I would do things His way because I knew that when I was done I would not need to go through this again. I was OK with that, I was good.

Disclaimer

Now I want to be clear about something. I am in no way saying that God brought this situation into my life so that He could teach me a lesson. He only brings good things into a person’s life as the bible says:

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. – James 1:17

and

Jesus went about all Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing all kinds of sickness and all kinds of disease among the people. – Matthew 4:23

God is a God of healing, not of sickness and disease.

He does help to turn those things that have happened to us into good things if we let Him.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. – Romans 8:28

I believe that God did not create this situation in my life but He did take advantage of it to bring my out better then I was before.

Next Post in this Series: Treatment – The First Week – Coming Soon!
Or Start at the beginning: Having Cancer as a Christian

So here I was. Newly diagnosed with cancer, no health insurance, and only 3 weeks into my new job.

The Job

The first thing that needed to happen was that I needed to let my boss know that I had cancer. He was very sympathetic and offered to do anything that was possible through the company. He even looked into health insurance for me but there was just no way to get it enacted to where it would cover the cancer (the cancer was now a preexisting condition). I told him that I would have several doctor’s appointments over the next few weeks and some sort of treatment and he asked that I would just keep him and the rest of our team informed.

The Charity Program

The second item on the list was to go to the cancer center that we had been referred to in order to apply for their charity program since we did not have insurance. Basically we listed all of our assets and they would tell us at what level of charity that we qualified for if any. Thankfully we did qualify for charity even though I was working at the time. I am very thankful that they took us when no one else would.

The PET/CT Scan

The next item was to meet the new doctor and figure out what treatment I needed. The first visit was the worst. I mean I knew I had cancer but being in that little room with him talking about the general procedure just made it all the more real. Basically there would be some sort of chemotherapy and possibly radiation with surgery at the end. Before we could narrow down exactly what I needed he needed to stage the cancer via a PET/CT scan. He must of seen the look of shock and dispare on my face because at the end of his explanation he reached out to me and said “Hey, don’t worry, this is just a bump in the road.” It felt more like a pot hole as opposed to a bump at the time but I appreciated the jesture.

So now I needed a PET/CT scan. The PET/CT scan would measure the activity of the cancer in my body and show if it had spread. The only problem was that the cancer facility that I was now with did not have a PET/CT machine and referred me to another medical facility to get it done. Unfortunately this other facility was not apart of the same medical group and so the charity program did not cover the scan. After talking with the folks there we found out that the scan would cost us $7,000 and that at least 20% of that would need to be paid up front. They did offer the scan at $4,000 if we wanted to pay the whole amount up front.

At this time I had only been working for around 4 weeks and so we did not have $1,400 or let alone $4,000 sitting around. After trying to figure out what to do we sold our van for $4,000 and paid for the scan up front. Just another bump in the road.

The Treatment Plan is Laid Out

A few days after the PET/CT scan we met back with the doctor and he gave us the results. The cancer had not spread to anywhere else. This was good news.

The plan was to hit the cancer hard with 6 weeks of radiation 5 days a week. I would also receive chemotherapy for 6 days the first and last week of the radiation. I would need to be in the hospital for the rounds of chemo because they would be given to me 16 hours a day for 5 days and 8 hours the last day. After that we would do surgery to remove the part of the esophagus and part of the stomach that had the cancer. The radiation and chemo would shrink the tumor so that they would not have to remove any more then necessary. The plan was that I would start treatment in the next couple of weeks.

Before I started treatment though I would need to have a couple of things done. Mainly I needed to have a mediport and a feeding tube put in. The mediport was so the chemo could be administered and the feeding tube was so that I could eat while going through chemo and radiation. As if I wasn’t scared of the cancer enough the sound of both of these things completely freaked me out.

God Where Are You?

Looking back at this period time this was one of the most difficult. It was filled with doctor’s appointments that seemed to get worse and worse every time we went. I had never had anything physically wrong with me ever before. Now I have a deadly disease and was going to have tubes put in me, terrible medicines, radiation, and also a major surgery. I was in utter shock.

It was around this time that we started to reach out to folks that we new were christians to pray for us. I remember feeling so weak, so overwhelmed at this time, that I felt that I could not continue on by myself. We emailed and called everyone we knew from every church that we had been apart of. Everyone was so gracious in their responses and it helped to know that others were standing with us. I really believe it was the prayers of others that really helped us early in this journey and helped us make it through.

God was there. Heaven was bombarded with prayers on our behalf. Every time we came from the doctor we were sad and depressed. We would take the rest of the day to process what was said and attempt to look on the bright side. I believe we were able to see the bright side because of people’s prayers and God helping us to look at things from His perspective. As big and scary as the treatment plan was, God was bigger.

Next Post in this Series: My First Surgery
Or Start at the beginning: Having Cancer as a Christian

As if being told that you have cancer is not bad enough there was another battle brewing in the midst. We did not have health insurance. I’d like to say that the reason for this was that we were independently wealthy and we had no need of such insurance. The reason was actually the opposite.

I was diagnosed with cancer in September of 2009. Back in January of that year I was laid off of my job of 3 years due to the recession. I was offered Cobra through as apart of my severance package but at nearly $1000/month that was not an option especially with being out of work. Besides, my wife had recently started working and she would qualify for benefits soon after that.

A month or two after I was laid off my wife did receive her benefits so we were once again covered. Unfortunately about a month after she started receiving benefits she was also laid off. Now we were both unemployed and uninsured. My wife applied for Medicaid for us and the kids. The kids were approved but we were denied. At least the kids had insurance.

Cobra to the Rescue, or Not

Shortly after her lay off we actually got some good news in the mail. The president had signed into law that they would extend the qualification period of Cobra insurance and also pay for 66% of the premiums for families. This brought our out-of-pocket cost down to around $350/month. While this would be tight with both of us being unemployed it would be worth it. We filled out the paperwork and sent it in the mail.

A week or so later we got a bill from Cobra for $1000. I thought for sure that this must be a mistake until I looked closer. Cobra was charging us for the three months that we did not have insurance. In the letter it stated that we needed to pay this bill to get up-to-date and then we would be insured. My wife and I were still not employed and did not have $1000 to pay for coverage that we never used in those months. I tossed the letter in the trash. We still did not have insurance.

I Finally Get a Job

After 8 months of being unemployed I finally secured a full time job. It even paid slightly more then I was making at my previous job. The only catch was that I was hired on a temp to hire status. This meant that I would work without benefits for three months and then if all went well I would become a regular full-time employee with benefits. It seemed like a small technicality at the time so I excepted it.

It was 3 weeks into the new job that I went to the doctor and ended up in the hospital with the cancer diagnosis.

At the Hospital

It was at the hospital that we began to realize that not having insurance was going to be an issue. While the hospital took us in and treated me for my anemia and the Oncologist diagnosed the cancer it was treatment of the cancer that became the issue. Unfortunately the doctor and his practice would not treat me without insurance. They tried to to get me qualified for Medicaid and a local county insurance benefit but we were denied for both because I was working and made too much money.

The doctor was nice enough to write us a referral to another cancer center in the area that would take us without insurance.

Where was God in All of This?

In all honesty it is and was really hard for me to see where God was during this time. I was in the initial shock of being diagnosed and having the lack of insurance thrown on top of it did not help. I know initially I thought that it would be better if I was dead then have to fight this without insurance as I actually had a pretty good life insurance policy. Those thoughts faded quickly as we understood that even without insurance there were options available for us.

I know that in those first few days in the hospital that God was with my wife. I do not recall ever seeing her waiver during that time. She did not see cancer as a death sentence, she saw it as something that we were going to need to deal with. She saw the lack of insurance as the same thing, just another item that we were going to have to put effort in to. God was with her giving her strength which in return gave me strength.

They always say that hindsight is 20/20 and I have to say that I see what God was doing at that time in regard to the insurance and even the treatment. I would be a terrible writer though if I gave the ending up right now. Continue reading to find out what God’s plan was and how he did it.

Next Post in this Series: The Treatment Plan
Or Start at the beginning: Having Cancer as a Christian

“The biopsy came back positive, you have cancer of the esophagus” the doctor said as I sat in the hospital bed. The words were unreal. Here is was, 34 years old, with cancer. I had never had anything wrong with me in my life and here I was with word cancer now permanently attached to my life. How did this happen? Was I going to die? Those and a million other questions started to flood my mind.

How it All Started

This whole event started several months back when while eating. While attempting to swallow I felt like the food I was chewing got stuck in my throat. I didn’t think very much of it at the time. I mean who hasn’t eaten a little too quick and had the same thing happen to them? Unfortunately as time went on this happened more frequently.

Most normal people would go to the doctor when things like this happen to them but I didn’t. The first reason for this was that I am not the type that went to the doctor unless I felt like I was dying. The second was that in some weird way I had learned to live with the little catch in my throat and could swallow most of the time without choking. The third reason was that we did not have health insurance at the time and I didn’t think it was all that serious of an issue. I remember telling my wife if I needed health insurance God would make sure I had it.

After a few months of having this issue I got a job where the health insurance would kick in after three months. Perfect I thought, I’ll just wait it out and then go to the doctor. Three weeks into the new job my stomach started bothering me as well. Uh oh I thought, maybe this is a little more serious, I thought that I might have an ulcer. I finally broke down and went to the doctor.

The Doctor’s Visit

At the doctor’s office I proceeded to explain my symptoms to the doctor until I noticed that she didn’t seem to be listening to me. “You look really pale” she said and explained that she wanted to do a quick blood test. A prick of my finger and 10 minutes later she came in and apologetically told me that I was extremely anemic and that I needed to be admitted to the hospital. How could this be I though? I had never been in the hospital in my life. It would be the first of many trips unfortunately.

About an hour later I walked into one of my local hospitals with my wife and was admitted. There they took more blood for testing and discovered that my hemoglobin’s were less then half of what they should be and ordered 4 units of blood to bring me back to where I should be. It was the first night that I had ever spent in the hospital.

The next day they performed an upper GI endoscopy to look down my throat to see why I was loosing blood. Initially they thought I had an ulcer but found a tumor instead. They took a biopsy of it to see if it was cancer. It was.

Where was God?

At this point you may be asking where was God in all of this? I mean this is a Christian blog and the idea of these posts is to share my experience with God. Well truth be told, I wasn’t that close to God when all this happened. I mean I wasn’t what some would call “backslidden” but I wasn’t spending the time with Him that I could have been. The thing is though that even though I wasn’t spending the time with him that I think I should have, looking back, I can see how he was working in the situation.

One way I saw him work was through my doctor. Something prompted her to take that extra look at me and identify the anemia. That alone was life threatening but it is also how the cancer was discovered. It is possible that if she would not taken that extra step that the cancer would not have been discovered until much later.

Another way I feel that He was there is in how everything played out. With being as anemic as I was I could have passed out somewhere in public and ended up in the emergency room. I was fortunate that I got to walk myself into the hospital as opposed to being transported there in an ambulance.

Yet another way that I feel that He was there in the first days was through His peace. Being told that you have cancer is one of the worst things that I think anyone can be told. Yet as bad as it was deep down inside I had peace and I knew God was there. I will admit that I did my fair share of crying in the hospital. I was scared. But when I called to Him he comforted me. I didn’t have all the answers or even know what was going to happen but I knew He was there with me.

I am sure that there were other ways that He intervened during those first few days of my diagnoses that I am not aware of. I guess the point is that even though I knew that I was not necessarily the “model Christian” that did not matter to Him. When I needed Him I called for Him and He was there.

The Bible says:

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. – Psalm 34:18

and

… I will never leave you nor forsake you. – Joshua 1:5

I really feel that both of these scriptures were fulfilled in my life in those early days.

Next Post in this Series: Another Battle – No Health Insurance

The Bible says:

…He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. – Matthew 5:45

The truth of it is that we live in a fallen world and while I believe serving God has its benefits, Christians still can experience their fair share of challenges and disappointments in life. Shoot, if giving your life to God guaranteed that you would have no more trouble in life everyone would serve Him. While serving God does not keep us free from trouble He can turn bad situations ultimately into good ones.

But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive. – Genesis 50:20

My Situation

My situation was being diagnosed with Esophageal Cancer at age 34 and it has been one of the scariest situations I have ever been in. The fear that comes along with a report like that ranges from “Am I going to die?” to “My God, what is the treatment going to be like and am I going to die anyway?”. Those are just the natural fears that anyone would have in that situation.

As a Christian you can add “Why did God allow this to happen to me?” and “What if I try to believe God for healing and He doesn’t do it?”. So I would say that as a Christian this situation can even be a little more difficult. I would say the current fear that I am dealing with is “what are non-Christians (and some Christians even) going to think about my perspective on God and Cancer?”. Regardless of this fear I will push though it just like I did all the other fears that I mentioned. Why? Because I have people depending on me to push through just like people expected me to push through on the other fears.

With the other fears I my wife and kids were depending on me to fight the disease so I would live and be the husband and father that I should be. I did not get married and have kids so they could live life without me. In the same way I write about my experience as a Christian dealing with cancer so that others can hear my store and be encouraged. God worked some mighty miracles (yes, I used that word) in my life in this situation.

There are things that happened to me that cannot be explained any other way. Some may say “It was just chance, coincidence”. OK, you can believe that if you like and stake your life on chance and coincidence. For me there were specific things that I asked for from God that happened in ways that cannot be explained. That is where I pin my hope and it is working for me.

The Disclaimer

Let me be clear with my intentions here. I am not going into this subject to try and convert anyone to my religion or way of thinking. I respect people’s beliefs even of I do not agree with them. I say that because I have friends and family who do not believe the way I do I think I usually a pretty good job at not stepping over “the line”. If they ask me I will share but as soon as the line is there again I respect it. The way I see it is if you are reading this you are interested. Nobody is making you read it, you can stop at any time. Again, my intention here is to share my experience in the hope that it is encouraging to others. In my fight it was hearing other people’s stories that helped me in my toughest times.

Whew! Glad that part is over. Moving on…

So, How is this Going to Work?

The idea is that I am going to share my overall experience and how I feel God was involved along the way. The interesting part is that this story is not completely over. I believe the outcome is looking good so that is encouraging but I am still human and not perfect.

Anyway I have outlined some posts below that I am intending on writing and when I am done with all of them I am pondering putting them into a free eBook so people can download them all in one shot. I am hoping that it can be encouraging to others in their fights that may be similar.

Here are the posts/chapters:

• Having Cancer as a Christian
• The Diagnoses – Esophageal Cancer
• Another Battle – No Health Insurance
• The Treatment Plan
• My First Surgery
• Treatment – The First Week
• Treatment – Lots of Radiation
• Counseling and the Question of Surgery
• Treatment – The Last Week
• Recovery – The First Week
• Division in the Camp
• Another Trip to the Hospital
• Well Hello, We Now Have Insurance
• The Second Opinion and What Victory Tastes Like
• Nipping Anemia in the Bud
• Checking Things Out via a PET and EDG

I will probably use this initial post as the forward of the book. I also will probably setup a page that has these posts/chapters and then link to each one individually that way it can be easier to read. Also note that the posts are probably going to be what I would call drafts. I will spell and grammar check the best I can but will probably go over them one more time before putting them into the eBook.

Many Thanks

I want to thank those around me that helped my family and I during this time.

My first thanks goes to my wife who stood by my side the entire time. As encouraging as everyone else was she is the one that was there by my side everyday. Although what I went through was hard I believe she had it just as bad if not worse. I thank God for her being in my life everyday.

I thank those that stepped up and helped financially during my time of treatment and recovery. We did not ask but you saw the need and helped out. As difficult as this situation was you eased it through your contributions. I am eternally grateful for you giving hearts.

To the family and friends that prayed and gave encouraging words – thank you. At times we felt all alone in this situation but when we did you would step out and encourage us.

To the organizations and businesses that contributed to our well being. Whether it was counseling, financial, or through encouraging words your help made a difference. Thank you.

To anyone and everyone else that I may not have realized your contributed. You are not forgotten even if you are not know. God knows and I believe that you will be rewarded for you efforts.

Last but definitely not least. I thank God. I don’t thank Him for cancer but what I learned through this situation. I was stretched, poked, and prodded through this. You allowed me to see Your love manifest in my life directly through you and through others. You showed me that you are always there for me and that you do care. You didn’t always allow me to get what I wanted when I wanted it but I know you had a good reason each time. I am thankful for how our relationship grew through this time. I thank you for restoring hope and vision to my life and for showing me what is really important. I thank You for loving me and healing me. My life is Yours today and forevermore.

Next Post in this Series: The Diagnoses – Esophageal Cancer