I have become a regular listener of the Moth podcast where people get up in front of a microphone and share a personal story about their life. It is interesting to hear the various stories of people that range from humorous to very serious and/or emotional. Either way, these people are making themselves vulnerable in front of strangers in order to share something that they feel may be beneficial to other.
One particular story that I recently listened to was about a school teacher that had an anonymous group of people try to use things that he had written on his blog to try to get him fired. He ended up keeping his job but never found out who was behind the movement to have him fired. In his story he explains that there is not a day that goes by that he does not think about what those people tried to do.
Instead of focusing on what those people almost accomplished he makes an effort to remember what really happened – he won. Now when he walks into his classroom each day he remembers – I am still here. Despite that group’s best efforts he was still doing what he loved.
Am I Still Here?
Over the last few weeks I have been silently asking God what is it that He would like me to do in light of my current physical limitations. I don’t have the energy to be apart of any active ministry, in fact getting to church each Sunday is proving to be difficult. I feel that my spiritual life could use some work but at the same time I know that God can and will use you no matter where you are in your life.
That being said I have not been doing anything that I would consider ministry or beneficial to others. I have a tendency to get down on myself like this at times not taking into account the past several years of debilitating health issues I have had. For me I am and have not been satisfied with taking those things into account. I feel that if I do “then the terrorist (satan) has won”. At the same time I am realizing that I need to be realistic and recover properly so that I do not put myself in that situation again.
But still, I have that yearning to be in the game for God.
Can God use me where I am right now?
“God. Can you use me the way I am? I mean I can barely take care of myself let alone take care of others”
I felt God’s answer to me was to look around and see what would take the least amount of effort yet have the most impact for Him. For me it is this website. The problem with that was the fact that I didn’t feel that I was exactly the best Christian role model at the moment.
I mean I am not in sin or anything like that, but I am not “active” spiritually like I have been taught to be. When I say active I mean having a daily/regular/deliberate relationship with God through reading and prayer. I have felt that I needed to have that in order so that I could minister here (or anywhere).
It’s funny, as I read that previous paragraph I had an ah-ha moment. When I was asking God about ministering, He did not say “Boy, get your reading and prayer life right, and then we will talk about it”. No, I felt that He said “look around to see what you can do now”.
I realize now that the little bit of ministering I have been doing at this website has been pulling me into a more frequent and deeper times of prayer and reading. I had it backwards.
If They Can Do It, Then So Can I
In going back to the Moth podcast, I admire the people who share their stories. I do not expect perfection from them. In fact it is their flaws, their mixups, their embarrassing moments that enables me to connect with them. They are not perfect and neither am I, that is why we connect.
In looking at myself and at what I have that I could share with others, I have something that is valuable, something that can help other people. Why would I want to keep that to myself? After all, if these other people can share their intimate life moments for entertainment purposes, why can’t I share my experiences where God has helped me through difficult situations. I don’t have to travel very far to do it. I just have to sit down at my keyboard.
I am still here.