Note: I had a revelation half way through this post that actually changes the direction that I was going with it. I decided to leave the first part because I want to demonstrate how effective it can be to blog – it can really help you sort your thoughts and feelings out. Enjoy!
As you can tell this blog has not been very active. The main reason for this was not procrastination but fear.
See I have not been active in church for quite some time. In fact I probably only been to church about 10 times in last year.
I know the first thing that you think – Oh he is backsliden.
Am I? What exactly is that?
To me backsliden is when you turn your back on God. I have not done this.
If anything I have turned my back on the church. Why? Because I got caught up. I took anything and everything that was spoon fed to me. I got to a point that the church was more important then my family.
I was fortunate though, God woke me up to that fact before it was to late. My finances were already affected but not my relationships – yet. If I would have continued down that road I do not think things would have been good.
So back to the fear thing.
What was I afraid of? God? No.
It was the church that I was afraid of. That fear is what causes me to explain why I am not backsliden to people when I tell them that I am not actively going to church.
See unfortunately a lot Christians have a difficult time making a distinction between having a relationship with God and going to church. In fact the majority of Christian’s relationships with God are at church and church alone.
Now before I go further I want to clarify which Christians I am talking about. I am not talking about new Christians. It is obvious that newer Christians are going to get the majority of info about God and Jesus from church because they are not as familiar or comfortable with getting it on their own. Sidebar ended.
In the last year I have seen God move on my behalf more then the previous 8 years of being a Christian. I went from not having a steady job and severally in debt to having a good job, a new house that is paid for, and zero debt. I give God the credit for this but it took me lining up with His priorities for these things to come to pass.
The way that I lined up with His priorities was to make what he considers important, important to me. The main area that was relevant to me was putting my family before church. Now before you get all freaked out, I said church, not God.
I know some of you cannot make the distinction between the two and you want to shout at me Hebrews 10:25-26 -
24 And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, 25 not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.
I am down with that. I am not going to argue. But…
It is wrong when we put the church in the place of God.
I believe that these are the priorities when it comes to God (scripture to come) -
- God – direct relationship, one on one
- Self – Health, well being
- Wife
- Kids
- Job – Falls into caring for wife and children
- Church Attendance – Also falls into caring for wife and children
- Ministry – Volunteering
Stop. No really – Stop – time for honesty.
I just realized in writing the above that I have been wrong in my approach to “church”. I just realized that I associated “Church Attendance” with “Ministry” and therefore that is why I haven’t been to church in the last year. I am not going to beat around the bush – this is wrong.
I was about to go into a long spiel about God taking Paul off on his own for several years away from “church”. But that is not what God was taking him from, it was away from ministry. That is what he wanted him separated from (for a season/preparation).
See ministry can be a tricky thing because it is very easy to get into the Mary/Martha thing. I realize now that I was in that – a lot.
We have to be careful that we understand what God’s priorities are and make sure that they are the priorities that we have. The reason for this is that God knows what is the best for our life. He knows what is going to be the best for our family and what is going to make us happy. If you cooperate with him – do things His way – we will have the best that life has to offer.
I believe that I am beginning to understand this know and apply it to my own life. Hopefully you are either already doing this or see areas that you can improve.
13 Comments
I can understand where you feel that church may not be necessary on a weekly basis if you still have a close relationship with God. However, I don’t believe you should prioritize yourself as second behind God. Your spouse and child should come before you as a Christian. Would you not lay down your life for them as Christ did for you if it was necessary? I would also encourage you to seek out a better church, one where you feel good about attending weekly and develop better relationships in Christ. Especially to set a good example for your children.
I guess it might be a good idea for you to read some scripture and find out a little bit more about THE CHURCH. The church is designed by God for the purpose of building up believers and training them for His purpose and His glory. Take some time to read Ephesians 4. Also, it might behoove you to take note that much of our New Testament was written to CHURCHES! You are trying to sound wise but in reality to are demonstrating that you are pretty self-centered. It is too bad that you cant even honor God by participating in the building up of HIS CHURCH.
@tozer5000
Let me start by saying thank you for leaving your comment. By doing so you demonstrated the reason why most people do not attend church. Being judgmental in regard to my weakness and/or lack of understand in regard to God and/or the church demonstrates that you are the very thing that you accused me of – being self centered. You are so high and mighty that anyone who does not walk their Christian life in the same manner as you should be condemned.
Sad
See the purpose of this post was to open up about a struggle that I was having. I know I take the risk of people like you coming and tearing me down instead of loving and lifting me up but that is the chance I take. The idea behind this blog and this post is to share with people my experience and struggles so that others out there can see and know that they are not alone.
As you may have noticed this post was written 3 years ago. In the last 3 years I have returned to regular attendance at my church and have become involved. This was only after the healing of my family was complete (because of my neglect of them). I believe that was God’s way of doing things because I have seen the fruit of it – good relationships with God, my wife, and my kids. Now I am developing good relationships with those at my church.
I know from your post that you have never been in my situation. You have never seen a Pastor put the church first and have his family walk away from him and God because of it. You have not lost a close friend because of your diehard attitude toward church. I am happy that you have never seen what I have seen and experienced and I pray that you never do.
Be careful though.
The Bible says that whatever a man sows he will also reap. Be careful about quickly judging others because according to God’s word you will be judged the same.
Yes, we must be careful to NEVER JUDGE anyone. We will be judged by that same judgement. How sad that will be when these christians who do judge and condem are judged. I pray that God has mercy on them. We are to be like Christ, not Christ like. I believe as christians need to look beyond otheres faults, and see the need, not to judge. So many people are run off from churches because of this very thing, and that is so sad.
Well i think Dan is a realistic man. Christians must be realistic and not pretentious because God wants us to understand the way He designed us and called us. for me, i agree with his priorities. How can you demonstrate the Love of God if you are in the CHURCH, well i think most of us technically called the church as a building, an organization but the truth is, CHURCH is the worship place. why, if you are not in the church you cannot worship God? What about yourself? the bible called our body a temple of God, what about our family? we can bring the church activities in our family. Is it good to God’s sight if we are worshiping God in the CHURCH and after that in our home we cannot worship God? and then we call ourselves Christians? We must know God’s priorities my brothers
I agree with the author’s comments. I have been a very active member of the same church for several years(10+). Unfortunately, I have first hand experience of being neglected because my husbanf puts the church before our family. This misinterpretation of God’s plan for the family has affectsed our marital relationship as well as our finances. It has opened the door for temptation many times. He is always going to meetings with and making time for others, including “man starved” women. Fortunately, God has delivered me from the temptation of going outside of the marriage for affection, etc. . However, it isn’t easy when you see your spouse embracing everyone at church (AND OUTSIDE FAMILY & FRIENDS) and then coming home too tired to do anything. (and I mean anything!) It doesn’t help either having a pastor that preaches ” a spouse doesn’t need to go home because they don’t like to be with their spouse.” I just want to know where that is found in the bible. He thinks that the other spouse is at home always nagging. He doesn’t know that my husband waits for me to finish all the household chores before he gets home. He even decided to go golfing more when the marriage counselor(another pastor who really knows the word) told him to stop spending every Saturday morning at the church. His argument is that I just want him to sit home and look at me. No, I told him that I need help around the house and that I shouldn’t have to do all the cooking and cleaning while he sits on the couch drinking beer and watching TV. (He thinks that I am Martha-waiting on everyone and he is Mary-sitting at Jesus’ feet). It’s too bad that the pastor doesn’t make surprise visits or even comes around at all. He just needs my husband to be his main leader at church, I guess. Unfortunately he doesn’t believe me when I say that he acts totally different at home. Most of the people at church(and outside of your home family, friends, etc.) don’t care if you are having problems. They just want you to help them with their problems, ministries etc.
I am really sorry to hear of your situation with your spouse. I know it must be difficult to maintain your commitment to your husband and to God under the circumstances but it is admirable that you are doing so.
The best advise that I can give is to pray and stay in faith. God is able to work in all areas and if you allow him to be at the center of this one then I believe that you will see results. I cannot say when, but I believe you will eventually.
Thank you for reaching out. I encourage you to do so to God and others that can give Godly guidance.
Maybe you need to ask God if your in the right church to begin with. I find that my church asks you t volunteer, and if you do it’s because you want too. If we take on too much, it’s on us. I think some marrige christian counseling would help you a lot. If you can get the husband to go. Pray can change things. I will be praying for you.
I really appreciate what you wrote in this blog. I have recently realized that my priorities as a Christian are completely out of place so I decided to see what others had to say about it. Your blog was the first one I stumbled upon and there were many points that you made that were “oh duhh” moments that I can’t believe I had never thought of before.
The main part that I liked was where you talked about God knowing what makes us happy and that He knows what is best for our lives. I had always looked at it as simply God first and everything else where I felt it should be after that but that isn’t right. God gives us things to focus on because they are what will make us happy, whether it is in the present or the future. For example, my college education is one of my top priorities at the moment because it is preparing me for what God has planned for my future. I definitely do not enjoy some of the homework and projects but I still need to do them in order to be the best I can be as God works through me.
Also, I really respect you for putting yourself before your wife and kids on your priority list. Some people see it as selfish but how are you suppose to love on them and care for them if you haven’t taken care of yourself first? Especially as the man of the house. If you do not have yourself aligned with God, how are you going to lead your family in the direction of His will? You’ll quickly get discouraged and burnt out if you don’t take the time to first be loved on and refreshed by God!
Thank you again for what you wrote. I know it was written some time ago but it definitely spoke to me and was an encouragement. If you know of any Bible verses that guided you on your priority list can you please list them? It would be much appreciated!!
I am struggling with the explanation to my church family my reasons for putting God, Family, and then church as my priorities. I feel God should always come first in everything we do, say, act, and think. I know some people have a problem with this, but if you read the word of God, you will see even God says to put him first, thn family, then everything else. If we give our all to God, then everything thing else will be prioritized in our lives.
@Cathey – The Bible says that we will be persecuted when we stand up for the things of God. Unfortunately a lot of the persecution comes from those that are closest to us including the church. You just need to stand for what God has clearly shown you and act in love towards those who don’t understand. I believe the Bible also says to pray for those that persecute you. In everything we just need to continue to stand for the things of God.
God, Family, Church. In that order. Although this may sound like im agreeing to some of you here, my reasoning is different. Your family should be the first CHURCH MEMBERS for you. Also, i do not agree that you/me should come before our wife and children. Look, the Lord said love your neighbor as yourself. In that case, where do you place your family, below yourself and the neighbor? Of course not! Do we understand Matthew 6:33? Besides, have we read how how the early Christians treated their Christian leaders and co-members? We have so much to learn.
I enjoyed this post. Priorities are important. Here is my perspective. God is first in everything. As a result we will obey his commands to love one another. We are the church. We are supposed to fellowship (koinonia) with each other often. Wherever two or more are gathered together in His name He is there. So, lets intentionally get together and encourage one another often. This can be at church, home, the golf course, the grocery store, wherever we live life. The church building is a great gathering place and should be a priority but it is not a substitute for real Biblical fellowship. God want us to love Him by loving each other. Unfortunately, very little love happens in many (most) churches. Self righteousness abounds but that is no excuse to avoid Christian fellowship.
Here is my version of a priority list.
1. Love God
2. Love Self (If you don’t make sure your own tank is full then you have nothing to give to others.)
3. Love others (starting with those closest to you, family)
Love is a verb, an action. It does the cause of Christ no service to lose your family because of ministry. Very poor testimony. Our family is our first ministry.
God bless.
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