I recently found myself in this situation.
In my previous post a talked about visiting my friend in the hospital who had been diagnosed with cancer a month after I had been. He and I talked about faith and God’s ability to heal him. We also talked about how life and death were in the power of the tongue and how through that power we have the power to stay or leave this life.
He chose to leave.
It was barely a week after I wrote that last post. I can’t say that I blame him. I guess in that week from when I had seen him to when he passed away he had not eaten and was extremely weak. I believe that he got the point where being with God looked like a better alternative then being here on earth. I don’t hold it against him but my heart hurts for him and his family. In my opinion his life was cut short.
His passing shook my faith.It was a couple days later that I found myself at my Oncologist for a follow up appointment and the question of surgery came up again. Fear had crept in to both my wife’s and my hearts to where we considered but quickly dismissed it after prayer and seeking God.
My faith was shaken again.
About a week later I visited the GI doctor and found out that I have celiac disease. It is an autoimmune disorder that basically tells my body to attack my small intestines when I eat wheat products that contain gluten. I found out that this could have been a large contributor to the cancer I had.
The treatment for celiac disease is a gluten free diet. Literally from one day to the next 80% of the food that I was used to eating was now off limits. It was a huge change for me.
Yet more shaking.
So here I am 3 weeks after the celiac disease diagnoses and I feel that I have plateaued. I am getting used to the gluten free diet and things are good. Unfortunately I start to feel really dry in my throat and schedule an appointment with the GI doctor. He is not sure what is going on but thinks we should take a look. Therefore I have another EDG scheduled for next week.
Shaken to the core.
All the same questions start to swirl in my mind – is the cancer back? Is it something else? Is it nothing. What if this, what if that? I just become numb.
Fortunately God is there.
I spent time with Him yesterday and told him how I felt. I told him how I was scared. I asked Him if I made the wrong decision not to get surgery. I question him about what is going to happen to my business and my family.
He reminds me of His promise – He has healed me.
At first those words did not comfort me, I couldn’t hear that. As the day went on though it started to sink in – either God is who He says He is or He isn’t. Either I trust Him or I don’t. Again I am questioned about what I really believe. What do I believe? Do I really trust Him?
Yes, I trust God.
That realization brought so much hope to me. With that realization it does not matter what happens – good or bad – He is with me and He will help me. On top of that He did promise me healing and I receive that promise. I don’t need to play the “what if” game because He has that covered. He would not have brought me this far if He was going to let me perish. Life or death is my decision – He has given me that choice and I choose life.
In 1 Kings 18:25-40 we see the story of Elijah and the prophets of Baal. In that story he has great faith to have God consume his enemies which were the prophets of Baal. But as soon as that Jezebel hears of what Elijah did and tells him that she is going to kill him. Instead of remembering the great victory that God had just given him he cowards away in a cave.
His faith was shaken.
While in the cave the Lord came to Elijah and spoke to him in a gentle whisper. In that whisper He told Elijah that He had the provision in place to overcome his enemies. Elijah listened to God and followed His direction and had victory.
It is in those times that our faith is shaken that we need to stop and listen for the voice of the Lord. It is that voice that brings us peace as He reminds us of His promises. We just have to get still enough to listen.
My circumstances have not changed – I still have the EDG on Monday – but I have peace. I know I am not alone. I know that God is with me. His promise of healing is fresh in my heart and my expectation is that I will see it come to pass. That is all I need to know.